This thang right here almost didn't get started! I've been single now for a few years and counting the pre-divorce circling of the marital drain it seems like an entire decade has passed. So, here I am, 50+, in the prime of my life, supposedly with the ability to have it all. It's not like when I was 25 or 30 and trying to figure it. You fellas know how we did it. Throw money at it! If that approach didn't work, act like you didn't give a fuck and watch the punanny come on in! Now, after marriage, the mortgage, kids, bills, divorce (Did I mention bills? It deserves a repeat) things should now settle into something like normalcy.
Thanos is dead! Darth Vader is Dead! Cliff Huxtable is a pill pushing freak! R. Kelly....well he's the same ol R. Kelly, but ya'll know what I mean. I'm a damn Jedi Master now! My fade away jumper is a killer! I'm dating in ATLANTA, GA and when I tell you shit is a hot psychological and sociological mess (We gonna turn up the logicals in this joint with this relationship shit!) I'm here to tell you the facts! To start this ish out slow here are THREE quick ones.
Quick Disclaimer: This is from the Southern perspective. I don't know the goings on in NYC, Chi-Town, Boston, Philly, or Canada for that matter. Different breed and different ways in the Southeast. This is where we at and this is what we gonna deal with on my blog!
FACT 1: NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THE DATING SCENE IN ATLANTA
Not you, your friend, your cousin, your momma, your daddy, grandaddy, uncle, auntie, play cousin, that man your momma was bringing to your house calling him Uncle Buddy, brothers, sisters, foster kids, immigrants, Nigerians (well the Nigerians are having a great time! Run that shit Chief Daddy)
FACT 2: A TIME WARP EXISTS IN ATLANTA, FOLKS RAISED IN THE LAST 30 YEARS OF THE 20TH CENTURY REMEMBER DATING FROM THE 1920s, 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s
Now those of you who identify with old fashioned dating values know damn well that you weren't doing no old fashioned dating back in the 1980s and 1990s. The way shit went down was you got scooped up for the movie and went straight to Mickey Ds and got that burger and fry and SMALL drank and then went to the local roach motel! Ain't nobody have no money! Flossin wasn't even invented till the 21st Century! Unemployment for a Black young man was 97%! WASN'T NO MONEY FOR MOVIES! Now, all of a sudden ya'll want sit on the front porch and the dude sitting there with flowers in his lap in a fucking suit, listening to Cab Calloway on the radio! That is such bullshit! Ya'll asking for shit you never had and now that you figure you too mature for a quick fast food meal and fuck you want a cultured date! Don't get me wrong, date! But don't hold all these brothers to a much higher standard than you used to yourself. And brothers, Black Employment is at an all-time high. Take these women out somewhere nice. You can now afford Red Lobster without sweating the rim payment. Cmon men! $300 Jordans and you can't take a beautiful woman out somewhere without paper napkins! Get your shit together!
FACT 3: IF PATIENT ZERO EXISTS, PLEASE WOMEN OF ATLANTA IDENTIFY HER!
You ask just who is Patient Zero? Patient Zero is the person in your life who has identified the majority of the Black men in Atlanta as gay/bisexual! Fellas you done heard this bullshit on hundreds of phone calls, text messages, IMs, dates, sign language, decks, emails, and damn carrier pigeons. Here's how it goes. You meet someone who you want to get to know and exchange numbers. The communication is good and then all of a sudden she says, "Can I ask you a question?" You give the affirmative, cause you ready to answer this bullshit question and she says, "Are you gay or bi or turned on by men?" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? Now, all of you women reading this have asked some dude this question in some fashion! HOW FUCKING EVER when pressed you can't identify a single dude you know personally that got caught with a dick in his ass or cum dripping down his lips like vanilla ice cream (I know too descriptive, but I do watch HETEROSEXUAL PORN! YES I DO AND I LEARN SHIT TOO! Not so much now, but when it became readily available on the Internet.) Anyway, who is the mystery chick that caught her dude? Please identify and stop spreading this urban legend! Everyone heard of someone, but no one knows her personally. Cmon ladies! Stop that bullshit question! It reeks of fear! You're looking to eliminate. Shit identify a brother who's said yes to the question!
Tune in for more!
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